No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
