I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize