well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
