she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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