my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
