I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
