Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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