I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
