How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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