Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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