so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
