I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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