No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
