I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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