I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
