i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
