never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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