i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
