You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
