I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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