apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
