I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
