Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
