I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
