just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we're so committed to being not committed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
