Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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