just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
