Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
