Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
