i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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