I accidentally had phone sex last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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