I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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