apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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