if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
