i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
