also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
