Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
