is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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