Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
