return my video game
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
