Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
