I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
