I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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