God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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