I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
