someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
