I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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