Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
