Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize