The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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