So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
