You're so nebulous sometimes
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
