I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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