All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
