Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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