I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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