you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
