god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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