who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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