Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
