i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
