Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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