No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
