I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
