The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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